Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Randomize
Follow @tfln