Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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