from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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