all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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