We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize