Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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