Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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