it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He uses pillows to masturbate.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
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is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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