She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
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Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize