Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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