What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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