think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
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