Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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