you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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