did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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