My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize