I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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