Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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