i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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