i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize