I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize