Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize