He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
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