PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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