I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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