i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize