i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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