she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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