I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize