i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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