i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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