and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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