sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize