Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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