Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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