So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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