i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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