No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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