I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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