There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
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sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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