I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize