dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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