Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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