Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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