You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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