oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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