Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!

(1-313): View more from Michigan

"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"

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(313): Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!! (1-313): "omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore" http://tfl.nu/6kn3

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(718): View more from New York

he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

(1-718): View more from New York

I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

(718): View more from New York

the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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(718): he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs (1-718): I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious. (718): the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip. http://tfl.nu/dbxw

Replies (31) Good night (686) Bad night (3655)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Walk of Shame time yet?

(1+44): View more from

Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?

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(+44): Walk of Shame time yet? (1+44): Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling? http://tfl.nu/qcn9

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(949): View more from California

the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.

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(949): the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed. http://tfl.nu/zkih

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(317): View more from Indiana

Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

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(317): Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good. http://tfl.nu/6afw

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(716): View more from New York

It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.

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(716): It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead. http://tfl.nu/ixsn

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.

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(703): I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault. http://tfl.nu/ytww

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(386): View more from Florida

Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.

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(386): Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole. http://tfl.nu/vrpb

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.

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(413): she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly. http://tfl.nu/cqp4

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(314): View more from Missouri

Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.

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(314): Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober. http://tfl.nu/dut2

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(817): View more from Texas

Do you have any booze?

(214): View more from Texas

Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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(817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57

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(314): View more from Missouri

No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.

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(314): No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was. http://tfl.nu/6619

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(219): View more from Indiana

The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.

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(219): The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon. http://tfl.nu/hfsi

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.

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(902): I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/cu8d

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(219): View more from Indiana

My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.

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(219): My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle. http://tfl.nu/g4yj

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