my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
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