none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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