I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
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I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
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You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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